Best of Craigslist

Best of Craigslist http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best postings from craigslist.org, selected by readers en-us Copyright 2008, craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best of Craigslist Collection 2008-06-03T22:50:31-06:00 2 daily Books for Insecure Women - TONS of them! http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/706959726.html I've got a ton of books my ex-wife left behind when she had to move out. They scream co-dependency, negative body image, self-loathing, and above all, the mindless need to buy what everyone else is buying. If you have a pathetically lost woman in your life, and you want to show her how much you care by giving her some used self-help books, then you've come to the right place. Just a sample of the great titles available FREE OF CHARGE: "Make the Connection" by Bob Greene and Oprah Winfrey. Oprah. That special woman in your life can't complain if you bring her this book. It is against the rules to say anything that, in any way, could be construed as negative about Oprah. "The Zone" Some crappy diet book. "Total Health Makeover" by Marilu Henner. If the original weren't enough, I've got the 30 day version too. I kid you not. She did hang in there on the Celebrity Apprentice for a while... maybe these should go on Ebay... act now before I change my mind! "Love is a Choice" by some psychobabbler or other. I'm too lazy to get up from my chair and I can't read the author from here. I think there's another one up there called "Co-dependent No More". The sad thing is my ex had these books BEFORE we got married... did I heed the giant waving red flags? No, I did not. A bunch of other crappy novels. You know, the kind that are so bad that you can't hardly stand to look at the cover. Now I'm not talking trashy romance novels here. I'm talking about the kind of crap with some cheesy rose on the front that you just know is about some family where the mom gets cancer or something, and there's tons of suffering, and no one gets laid. This ad is absolutely real. These books are available to you, as long as you are willing to pick them up. I won't judge. They could be for a co-worker you think is eating herself to death, your sister-in-law, whatever. Burn them if you want to, I don't really care. Donate them to the bookmobile. Read them to shut-ins. Just get them off my bookshelf so they're not crowding my Tom Clancy novels anymore. Great literature needs room to breathe. <ul> <li> Location: West Suburbs <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-06-03T22:50:31-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/706959726.html Books for Insecure Women - TONS of them! text in case you have/lifted my yellow track bike..... http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/646663801.html To whomever currently has my beloved fixed gear, you made a really sweet score, but there are some repairs and upgrades you might want to make note of. I know that I was foolish and absent-minded to leave it accidentally unlocked outside the Mt. Sun in Boulder on Sunday, April 6, but now that you've given it a new home, let's talk wrenches: The frame is new, but all the other parts on it I've collected over the years, mostly bought from dear friends and my favorite shops. The rear wheel could use truing, but the old school Mavic CXP30s do hold up well. Rest assured, though, because I did just replace the bearings in the Phil Wood track hub. I even splurged on the ones rated for submersible marine applications so they'll last for years to come.... even if you ride year-round like I do. The Cinelli criterium drop bars are a little bent from when I was working in Denver a few years back and some imbicile in an SUV pulled front-first into a parallel spot and pinched me into a parked car. Despite the bend, they still seem to handle fine. Could use new tape, though. The drive-train is pretty shot. I've used that Race Face chainring for well over 2 years (I bought it from my old messenger shop in Chicago) and it probably has at least 25,000 miles on it. Pretty worn, as is the rear cog. I'd been meaning to replace the whole lot, but had been saving up a little extra cash to drop on real track cranks (you'll find that the FSA 110BCD cranks make it hard to find suitable chainrings.) Good idea to throw a fresh chain on while you're at it! The plastic molding on under the seat is cracked and getting worse. Again, something I'd been wanting to upgrade with a more ergo-friendly design. What else..... Oh yeah, the rear tire is fairly worn, so you'll probably see a flat pretty soon. When you do, you'll clearly notice that I'm pretty OCD about patching tubes, and the rear tube had exactly 20 patches on it last time I checked. (I was hoping to best my P.R. of 22 patches on a single tube. Hope you keep the dream alive!) In case you decided the color wasn't for you, rest assured that the bright yellow powder coat will make a great primer/base for a custom rattle can job. No rust ever! And I also personally sprayed the insides of all the tubes with WD40 to prevent internal corrosion. That's right, this will last you forever. The Wound Up carbon fork is sturdy; no issues there besides finding outdated parts compatible with the 1" threaded setup. The vintage Campy Chorus headset was a gift from my boss, and although the races are a little pitted, it should hold up ok with occasional maintenance. There's a bit of play in the cartridge bearings in the front Miche Pista hub, but not a huge deal. If you get a hold of me, I can give you the new set of bearings I have here at home. I just didn't get around to installing them yet. Anyway, if you would rather have me do the mechanical work, I'm well qualified and would love to get my bike back. Seriously, no questions asked. Or if you know someone who has it, let me know, and no big deal. I'd just like to see my bike again!!! <img src=646663801.1.jpg> <img src=646663801.2.jpg> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: wish I knew :( <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-18T00:27:54-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/646663801.html in case you have/lifted my yellow track bike..... text i almost crossed the street ... - m4w http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/590724209.html before you hit me with your car. i guess it's not exactly a "missed" connection. i figure i don't have much else to do here in my hospital bed so i'll write you a little note and let you know what i was doing out there alone in the middle of the intersection. basically, i was trying to get to the other side of the street. then i saw you: starry-eyed, entranced with whoever you were talking to on your cell phone. i wished it was me on the other end of that line instead of under your car. i wish we could've met some other way or even at all for that matter. i don't blame you for just driving away; not noticing the unconcious speed bump that loves you. you're not ready for this and i'm not sure i am either. i do know this . . . if you're interested maybe we could meet up next month when i'm released and i could help clean up some of the blood i think i might have accidentally spurted onto your vehicle. maybe we could get dinner or something. i'll drive.  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: boulder <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-02-28T23:54:53-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/590724209.html i almost crossed the street ... - m4w text If men wrote m4w ads like women wrote w4m ads http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/588567246.html Isn't it funny how most w4m ads are like checklists of requirements. These women think finding a guy is like ordering a sandwich - a little more height please, easy on the love of sports, and can you throw in a weekend house in the mountains and a willingness to support some other guy's children? If men wrote their m4w ads the same way, we would expect to see something like this: Looking to meet the woman of my dreams. Someone who appreciates me for who I am. I love big TV's, big trucks, baseball caps, and wife-beater tanks. I love going out with my friends to get drunk at strip clubs too. I'm looking for a nice woman who is not looking to jump into a relationship too soon but who knows what it means to be sexy and take care of her partner. Please no BBW's (sorry) but you won't look good on my arm when I wear a white t-shirt. You must love dogs and my beer can collection, my dogs, my cans, and I are a package, so if you're not into them then please move on. I like to let all 6 of my dogs sleep in my bed with me, so hopefully you don't have a problem with that. Deal breakers: likes to shop too much obsessed with height (i am short) fat talks about yourself too much neediness always wanting to talk about the relationship small breasts (sorry, there is nothing sexier than grabbing onto a nice pair) doesnt like to cook for her man bossiness nagging always wanting to get up early in the morning fat intolerance of me and my habits pressure to have kids Turn ons: thin large breasts (very sexy) quiet beer drinker has her own friends and won't try to make me watch chick flicks smells good likes football doesn't expect me to pay all the time intelligent but not too intelligent (i dont like nerdy girls) rich father thin doesn't have a relationship calendar, i.e. doesnt wonder after 3 months if we are going in the right direction. Can you find me a woman like that??? LOL   <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: Reality <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-02-27T08:51:19-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/588567246.html If men wrote m4w ads like women wrote w4m ads text RE: BJ and cheating? http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/556084417.html Imagine yourself working for a bakery. You are a good baker and the boss initially hires you in at 500 dollars a week plus a loaf of bread a day to take home. He likes your work ethic and makes you an unofficial partner of sorts in the business. You work hard, are a good employee and bring the shop some income. You are a part of the team and life is good. Then one day, after your first year or so, the boss says, "I need to cut back on the bread you take home, so you can only have one loaf every other day." Time goes on and a while later the boss says that he can only give you a loaf of bread to take home twice a week. "The bread, he says, "is a bonus and not an obligation on my part." Finally the boss says he can only give you a loaf a week and two years later he cuts that down to your birthday or the anniversary of the store opening. All the while you as the employee are continuing to work hard and make the boss money and are being a true team player. One day the boss says to you, "I need to cut your salary by one hundred dollars a week." In addition, you are noticing that the boss is giving you the cold shoulder more and listening to your ideas for making the shop successful less. The boss is constantly on your ass about trivial stuff. You and the boss have a relationship that has gone to shit. But the boss keeps you around because he knows you are helping to make him and the business money. You know sales and profit have gone up since you started working there. You are by this time getting miserable working there I imagine. So, walking home from work one day, the owner of a different bakery stops you. He says, "Listen, I noticed you used to carry a loaf of bread home every day and now you don't. I want you to try my bread and see what you think, here's a free loaf. If you like it great, if you think you can help me make better bread, I will hire you on the spot. As a matter of fact, I will make you an equal partner and if we ever disagree we can split any profits we have made right down the middle. Your salary will be 600 dollars a week plus profit sharing. I have seen how your boss treats you and I think you deserve better. You are a great baker, I have seen you in action and people rave about your bread and skills. Oh, one more thing, you can take as much bread home as you like, whenever you like." Do you really think you'd NOT take the other guy up on his offer? All you people busting the OP's chops on this one are failing to realize that his wife is cheating him as well. If she was having wild ass monkey sex and giving him head on a regular basis before they got married and right after he tied the knot and now all of a sudden has changed the deal without giving him an explanation, SHE is as big of a cheat as he is considering becoming. Men don't get married in order to NOT have sex. Men get married to have sex with the same woman for the rest of their lives. For you idiots out there who will say it is her body and she doesn't "owe" him a blow job or he is not "entitled" to sex when he wants it, well, it is his dick and if she has a right to hold out because it is her body, he has a right to do what he wants to with HIS body and get "it" somewhere else.  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-01-29T16:03:46-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/556084417.html RE: BJ and cheating? text If Men Had Boobs http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/540426625.html Today I had the unpleasant experience of shopping for new bras. You must understand that I do this only under extreme duress. I dont like shopping for anything (I know, unusual for a woman apparently), but shopping for brassieres is the worst of the worst. When I find one that actually fits, I buy like a zillion so I dont have to go shopping for them for at least a decade. However, Ive lost a lot of weight recently, which necessitated said shopping trip. Suffice it to say that I have big boobs. Real boobs, too. No baggies filled with gelatinous substances inserted here! But now my size D boobs are only size C boobs, which although smaller, are still plenty big. I am not fat. My boobs are not billowing rolls of lard. They're just plain ol' big. I should also point out that I am fairly tall, 5 9 to be exact. Evidently, these physical features seem to render fitted lingerie a near impossibility. Unfortunately, women with big hooters dont have the luxury of walking around braless. If we did, our tits would eventually hang down to our navels, much like those tribal women in the National Geographic magazines. No thanks. Bras are a must. So, after rifling through rack after rack of bras of every shape, size and color imaginable hanging on those stupid little hangers that get caught on each other, other bras, your sleeve, your purse, or whatever else comes in close contact with them, I came to believe that men and men alone design bras. Therefore, this rant goes out to those dipshit male bra designers. If you men had boobs, youd understand how frustrating it is to buy a decent fitting bra, but since men only have balls, allow me to enlighten you. First of all, whatever inspired you to believe that a woman wants a piece of inflexible wire shoved under her boobs for support? Is it some kind of latent, sadistic desire to torture women? Lets put that same wire in your whitey tighteys and see how much you like having a piece of wire grinding on your balls every time you move. How youve managed to flood the market with these instruments of torture is beyond my understanding. Excuse me, but my boobs, nor any other womans boobs, needs to be supported by a piece of fencing. Although in your primordial brain you may think of boobs as udders, we are not cattle and our boobs do not need to be corralled. Thank you very much, asswipe. I realized today that male bra designers prefer small boobs. I can prove that because it is nearly impossible for anyone with big boobs to find a bra that is even remotely attractive. For those of us who are well endowed, it seems that bras are for utilitarian purposes only, that is, to hold those boulders up where they belong. No, instead of those cute, colorful bras for the tiny-titty-B-cup-and-under set, we get white, black or tan (and sometimes pink!!) industrial strength bras whose only embellishment might be some itchy lace. Lets put some of that lace on your y-fronts, shall we, boys? And lets not forget to mention that these same behemoths have shoulder straps that could double as seatbelts. Jesus fucking Christ. Have some imagination, will you? It has taken decades for womens clothing to come in tall sizes, but finally it is possible for those of us in the high altitude zone to wear jeans that dont stop at the ankle and shirts whose sleeves arent all three-quarter length. Halle-fucking-luiah! So, now that weve come this far, why the hell havent any of you moron male bra designers figured out that tall women have long bodies, therefore, it might be a good idea to extend the length of the shoulder straps? Imagine yourself walking around with your whites pulled up your ass all day. Thats what its like. Is it your cheapass frugality? I mean, really, how much can a couple extra inches of seatbelt strapping cost? Dickweeds. I believe that you shit-for-brains male bra designers imagine that every woman has boobs like Barbies. It probably relates back to your childhood when you hid in the closet with your sisters Barbies, perversely stroking those enormous plastic tits. Lets face it, Barbie has some pretty perky knockers, but it begs the question: Have any of you imbeciles ever seen any real tits? THEY ARE NOT POINTED!!!!! And furthermore, real boobs cant be squeezed into points! So why do you design bras that could pop balloons, fucktards? Does anyone have deformed enough boobs to wear one of those monstrosities? Oh thats right! Barbie does! Jesus Christ. Okay, Im done ranting. I feel better now. Thanks for listening, Craigslisters! By the way, for the record, after an hour of trying on a multitude of brassieres, I managed to find ONE that fit, although it looks like a seat cover for an F-150 with obligatory seatbelt straps white, of course. Swell. Just swell.   <ul class="blurbs"> <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-01-15T18:09:14-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/540426625.html If Men Had Boobs text Free BLOW!! http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/506037315.html Here's the thing, I'm trying to clean up my life, but I've got to get rid of all the drugs from my past. So last night, as I was trying to empty all my stuff into the garbage, my wife came out and started trying to rip it out of my hands. Needless to say, and argument ensued, and soon the neighbors were in on it too. We all stood there, arguing over what to do with the dope I wanted to throw out, when suddenly, my neighbor tried to rip in out of my hands. Now, I've got a serious problem. The bag ripped and the white powder went EVERYWHERE. I mean, it's all over the lawn, the driveway, up and down the street. There's just a bunch of dope out there lying on the street. I'm terrified that the cops will come at any minute. I mean, this stuff is thick, we're talking several inches just covering everything on the whole street. So, Free dope, come one come all, bring your straws, your needles whatever, but PLEASE bring a shovel, you can have all of the powder from my driveway, my sidewalks, and even the grass if you promise to be gentle, but bring a TRUCK. There's a lot of this and I don't want any left behind. First come, first served. Also, my neighbors have offered to let you have the powder on their property as well. Near Southwest Plaza, email for directions. Hurry, an offer like this won't last long. (And I'm worried the cops are coming, so come QUICK).  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-12-11T12:26:55-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/506037315.html Free BLOW!! text LOOKING FOR LEGEND OF ZELDA LINK>>> IF HES OUT THERE http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/493689524.html Hi, I know thats strange one. I want a guy who looks like link. from the game. I thought to myself that I might as well be honest. I look like zelda, so why not ask for it? who knows.. I know theres a guy like that. So if you think you look like link, the blonde skater cut, and light eyes look email me. Im a simple chick who loves zelda. I know thats a corney one to ask but heck we might as well be honest as to what we like? am I right? I want a guy like that and a guy who is romantic and believes in chilvary, love, old school ways, and doesnt have a problem with european culture. Thanks a bunch!!! If I like you, and you have a pic, ill email you back. PS I WILL NOT RESPOND to guys without FACE SHOTS. period. Thankyou for understanding. Im not a body chick. more a face and Please only guys 30 and below. And please do not email me rude comments... this world has too many jerks and I delete them and report to the authorities. Its extreme I know But please have respect. <img src="493689524.jpg">  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: greeley <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-11-29T17:09:15-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/493689524.html LOOKING FOR LEGEND OF ZELDA LINK>>> IF HES OUT THERE text The local ten o'clock news http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/492214809.html Have you ever been in one of those moods where youre completely, utterly pissed off, but theres no single reason? Just a million little things that decide to save themselves up for a good month and hit you all at once, but you happen to be in a completely intolerant mood to top it off? Of course you have. You work in an office. (note: I just spilled a juicy chunk of pineapple on my pants, which bounced off and hit my shoes for added effect before picking up half the lint on the floor) Now dont get me wrong, sure it could be worse. You could be a starving kid in a third world country, you could have cancer, a doberman could have bit your nuts off. Your keyboard could have arbitrarily decided to write over any corrections you make to a pointless rant instead of inserting them, making you have to type every sentence again. It doesnt matter that you know how to fix it, because your computer has decided that its smarter than you today and will not let you. Your email that you just copied and pasted from an unformatted text document decided to triple space everything, put it in wingdings font, and turn it blue for the hell of it. But hey, unlike this computer that thinks its a human in a pretentious abstract art school, we actually are human, and weve been granted the greatest gift of all: the gift of incessant bitching. In the spirit of this incessant bitching, Im picking an arbitrary rant out of the thousand things that have mildly bugged me in the last 24 hours: the local news. Last night at about 7:00, a man with caps on his teeth and hair that looks like it should be stuck to the top of a Lego man informed me that it may or may not snow, and hell give me the answer at 10:00. This pixelated man looks me straight in the eyes from MY OWN TELEVISION that I paid for WITH MY OWN MONEY, this guy whos salary I pay for by being exposed to Beyonce telling me to switch to cable (which Im already on), and those horrible Jared commercials, the J.G. Wentworth guy, the seemingly innocent Money Tree caterpillars that are demons from the foulest pits of hell, charging 742% interest in states they can get away with it in (no exaggeration), and those awful credit score commercials. "Im thinking of a number. Do you know what it is?" Yes. I do know what it is. Its 53,289, and it happens to be how many times it feels like youve inflicted your androgynous presence on this house. But I digress. This hair helmet newscaster looks me right in the eyes and lies. Hes not going to tell me whether its going to snow at 10:00. Oh, no. That would be far too easy. Hes going to tell me at 10:00 what kind of pumpkin harvest farmer Joe had a month ago, and then hes going to delve into some heavily biased politics, and then hes going to tell me that hell reveal this magical snow secret after the commercial break. Beyonce tells me to switch to cable again, having not heeded my prior notifications. J.G. Wentworth Guy asks me if my hope is starting to fade. Viagra people tell me that Im a geriatric and cant get a boner. I can only imagine what they tell women. Credit Score Guy asks me about number 53,290. And then the news comes back on. Bush, Iraq, pretty white girl hasnt called parents in over six hours, "Snow may be on the way well tell you how much to expect! After the commercial break." Curse your scaly hide Beyonce! Fuck YOU, Credit Score Guy! (53,291) No, I do NOT need an artificially inflated piece of compressed carbon that is built on the blood of Africans and is controlled by a monopoly. Beyonce? AGAIN? TWICE? IN ONE BREAK? I finally understand that personality is genuinely more attractive than looks, because she has somehow transformed from this gorgeous vixen to a blood sucking chupucabra in a mere week. Is it really necessary to have four topless guys dancing in perfect synchronicity with her while she yet again stares me in the eyes and tries to sell me cable? And why does everyone have to stare me in the eyes when theyre trying to sell something? I pay about a hundred bucks a month for this lousy cable, and this is what they do with the profits? It would appear that part of Dantes Inferno was lost with time. He claimed that there are only nine circles of hell, relating to pagans, lust, gluttons, material good obsessions, sloth, heretics, the violent, fraudulent, and betrayers. Maybe it was due to an early translation, but what was missing is the lowest level of hell, reserved as a special place for those that appear twice in one commercial break. The news comes back on. Clinton, Obama, Giuliani. Which one sucks the most? Well tell you tomorrow at ten. And finally, at 10:55, sweet release: "It looks like it might snow tonight or tomorrow. Somewhere between zero and infinity inches." Apparently they've hired Captain Obvious to do the weather forecasting. "Thanks for watching your ten oclock news, well see you tomorrow night." Oh no. No, you will not see me tomorrow night. You will not see me ever again, ten oclock news. Were officially broken up. Now pack your crap and get the hell out of here, and if you come within a hundred yards of me Im calling the police. Ive stolen everything thats important to you and will incinerate it all tomorrow at 9:45. Ill tell you where you can pick up the ashes at ten. Your signed poster of Tony Danza is yours to keep.   <ul class="blurbs"> <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-11-28T11:10:55-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/492214809.html The local ten o'clock news text To: The Douchenugget who hacked my Myspace account. With love, Moi. http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/481172612.html Dear Cockless Fuckmuppet, I want to express my most sincere appreciation of your tremendous efforts to hack my Myspace account. My friends and I thoroughly enjoyed the well-crafted spam I left in their comment boxes, courtesy of you. Seems that fourth grade education and relentless dedication to computer porn is really paying dividends eh?, Your father and the goat he impregnated that blissful drunken night behind the barn must be overwhelmed with pride. Seriously brother, you need some help. Fortunately for you, I be in the givin mood. Yknow, tis the season an all that. Here we go. First, turn off your grandmothers computer. Yes, I realize this will mean a temporary interruption of your marathon watching child pornography while rectally pleasuring yourself with the back end of a Mag-light session but bear with me here. This is apt to contain words with multiple syllables so youll need all the concentration you can get. Second, close your eyes. (Ignore the images of the dark, rubber-gloved figure creeping up to your childhood bed to love you in ways you were forbidden to ever speak of. With enough therapy and an incredible amount of medication theyll eventually fade out). Ok now wait a minute. You hear those words resonating somewhere beneath the suppressed memories and latent homosexuality? Those words are called thoughts. (Its perfectly ok to be a little frightened as these will be utterly unfamiliar to you but dont sweat it, everybody has them). What you are doing right now is called THINKING! Dont worry, it becomes easier with practice. Id stock up on Tylenol though if I were you. (Were I you, Id also stock up on razor blades and draino but thats a whole nother letter) Congratulations, thats all there is to it! Now armed with this new found weapon you should be able to (say it with me now) THINK of a more productive way to spend your time than phish for account passwords using internet spam. I hear the fast food industry is booming this time of year. With a liberal amount of training and some good ol fashioned hard work, you may just be qualified to work the drive through! Hows that sound, huh? Drive through? In time you could even move up as far as the french fry machine, but were getting a bit ahead of ourselves here. One retard limp at a time, brotha. If all else fails, you can always pass the time seeing how many paper clips you can fit into the wall outlet. Finally, I would like to like to express my relief that the chances of your actually having children are about even with Stephen Hawkings odds of choking out Chuck Lidell. Though Im sure your immense collection of inflatable sex animals is a tremendous aphrodisiac, nothing short of knocking an elderly hooker unconscious with a sack full of gold is likely to get you laid. Darwin wins again! Hooray! In closing, I wish you nothing but dick cancer, -B-  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: Straight on till morning <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-11-16T17:58:27-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/481172612.html To: The Douchenugget who hacked my Myspace account. With love, Moi. text RE: 40's and dating http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/446210922.html I am a man in my 40s and dating. I was married and against my wishes the marriage ended. I loved my wife deeply, she decided she no longer loved me and she wasn't "happy". So, now I date. I didn't ask to be in my 40s and single, but reality being what it is I live with it. I have no plans to ever get married again. I might have a steady girlfriend if the occasion arises, but she'd have to be pretty damn spectacular for me to make that leap. I have had all my children, I am financially secure and have a plan for myself that is better done without a typical American woman's bullshit to goof it up. I don't hate women at all by the way, I just know what is worth my time and what isn't. I date for the occasional bit of company and to occasionally have sex, that's about it. I don't need a woman in my life full time. I can cook and clean, etc, etc. If I wanted full time companionship, I'd get a dog. Dog's are much easier to deal with than women at this point in my life. Call me shallow, etc etc whatever, that's fine with me. I know me a helluva lot better than anyone else does. I do have some rules for dating. Since I am not a horny, partying twenty something or a desparate to have kids thirty something these rules work for me. I think everyone ought to come up with what works for them, keeping the reality of their particular situation in mind. My personal rules: 1. I never seriously date a woman who terminated her last relationship because she wasn't "happy". Happiness is an emotional response to external stimuli. To break the vow of "til' death do us part" over an emotional state that may or may not be another person's fault, is shallow and shows a lack of emotional maturity. It tells me that woman is too self absorbed to be a reliable partner in the future. 2. I don't date fat women. Sorry, all you "BBWs"; get a grip on reality. If you are walking around looking like you have a beer keg stuffed in your pants, you don't give a shit about yourself, so I really don't expect you to give a shit about me in the long run. Don't give me that crap about how happy you are with yourself, you're not and we both know it. If you and I had fallen in love twenty years ago, gotten married and had a family and you had put on the weight, I would still be with you, but we didn't and so I see no need to accommodate your lack of character and discipline. 3. I won't seriously consider dating a woman who has a lot of hangups about sex. Since I have had all my children, since I can cook and clean and make a damn good living for myself and my children, you bring nothing to the table I need in the traditional sense. Hell, most women can't or won't cook a decent meal anymore and are as a general rule clueless in regard to the domestic arts. If you have a lot of hangups about sex before we are monogamous, I pretty much see the writing on the wall after we have been together for a while. You might not like it, but sex is important to men, yes actually, it IS mostly about sex. Now that we are all well educated as to the dangers of unprotected sex, STDs and birth control, I don't see the problem. Your pussy is not the only one in the universe and it isn't plated with gold. If you won't have sex with a man, one of your slutty sisters around the corner will. 4. Feminists. I don't date women who are avowed feminists with a "you go girl" mentality. Sorry, but your little movement fucked things up in a major way. I think women ought to vote, receive equal pay for equal work etc. etc. I do have enough sense to recognize that whether by design or chance, men and women are different and since I think that form follows function there is a reason for our differences. I don't want to be around a woman who wants to prove to me she is as good as I am at "man" stuff. It is annoying. It makes you look stupid and insecure. 5. "Independent" women. I never date a woman who feels the need to tout her own independence. First, independent entities by definition do not want or need to be in any type of union with another entity. When the United States declared independence from Great Britain, we dissolved the ties that had connected us to the British. I myself am independent and feel no need to tell everyone about it. It is called being an adult. Being able to take care of yourself doesn't make you special, it makes you "grown folks". Second, if you are that independent, why are you looking for a relationship in the first place? Independence is the opposite of dependence and being able to depend on others is why we get into relationships of any kind in the first place. 6. Women who spend every weekend perched on a barstool. I don't date these over the hill party girls because as an adult male, I know why men go to bars and clubs and as a mature adult woman you ought to as well. If you do know and still sit there every weekend you are trying to be something you aren't (young, unless you are a drunk) and I have no desire to be with a woman who lives in a fantasy world. If you haven't figured out why men go to bars and clubs and you are sitting there hoping to meet prince charming, you are clueless and I like to think the women I date have a modicum of intelligence. 7. I don't date women who have their children full time. Might come across as a shitty attitude to have, but I see no need to be a full time father to someone else's children and a part time father to my own. This is a personal preference I developed after having discussions with my own children. Mine have been through enough already, I'm the Dad and feel I am doing what is best for my children, they were here first. 8. Anyone who is fanatical about much of anything. If you are religious fanatic, I too believe in God. I have a degree in Theology as a matter of fact, but as far as I can tell, God didn't assign any woman at anytime to be my moral gatekeeper. He did tell you to be "keepers at home", if you are so caught up in church work that you are making your family the second priority in your life you aren't following your own rule book. I digress, fanaticism of any kind is a psychological addiction and I prefer to spend my time with people who lead a well balanced life. Addiction of any kind is a turn off. 9. Overly materialistic. My preference. I grew up dirt poor and have by hard work gotten myself to a pretty good spot in life. If you have a desire and need to get the latest and greatest and keep up with the Jones family, you aren't for me. I see no need to potentially work myself into an early grave to keep you in shiny trinkets and new cars. I am pretty content with a pot of beans and a nice clean, comfortable house in a decent neighborhood and a vehicle that works and is safe. If $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ is what motivates you, I am not mad at you or knocking you for it, I am personally not interested. No, I am not "poor", it is about priorities. There ya go. Don't know why I posted this. Saw the comments about people in their 40s dating and this is what came to mind. I have no real interest in getting into another permanent relationship. I am content to spend the rest of my life single, but that works for me. For those disparaging the over 40 dating crowd, even 40 somethings get lonely at times, some more than others. Some of those people are there through no fault of their own. they were and are good men and women who had an ex get middle aged crazy and left a good man or woman behind to chase after something they thought they were missing. Maybe the other person was an abusive asshole or addict and the one who is single had to leave for any number of reasons. All sorts of reasons people over 40 are single. Keep breathing and you might find yourself there some day.  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: COS <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-10-11T11:29:34-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/446210922.html RE: 40's and dating text my house mice have a missed connection with your cat - seriously http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/439107038.html Well ok, I really didn't know where to post this, but I figure everyone reads these, so why not here: I have a serious serious serious mouse infestation. I saw a herd (correct terminology? - pack maybe?) of mice cross my living room last week. So you know, I went out and bought two different kinds of mouse traps. Well it turns out we have smart mice, that know how to remove peanut butter from a mouse trap without dying. I think they laughed at the traps we put out. They are not afraid of us. They join us for dinner, watch while we cook, and I think they really like our TV - seeing as how they always run from couch to couch while we are in there. (on said couches) In the last 15 hours my roommates and I have probably seen 15-20 mice, we even saw one jump straight up about 1 1/2 feet into this tiny ass crack next to our dishwasher. Did you know that a mouse can "Can jump from a standing position up to 12 inches from the floor; can jump from a running start up to 38 inches, can use vertical surfaces as a spring board to gain additional height, and can jump downward 8 feet to the floor" He was motivated though, seeing us armed with golf clubs... Wouldn't you know that tiny ass crack leads to a gaping hole under our sink - AKA MOUSE LAIR We have established this is their primary gateway into our world. The mouse traps have been repositioned appropriately. Yet we have no dead mice. They laugh at our meager attempts to stop their inevitable takeover. These are smart little bastards. My roommates and I were all happy that our bedrooms were upstairs - ha! yeah right, we only saw 5 mice upstairs in our bedrooms, this morning! So anyway, our landlord feels that poison will take care of our infestation, we however feel the situation is a little more drastic. I mean do you like going to sleep listening to mice and waking up seeing mice?? I am only eating canned food until we fix our problem. Seriously I bet these guys eat poison for snacks. Anyway, that is why we have a missed a connectio with your cat. I need to borrow/babysit/whatever your cat. I prefer cats that like to eat mice, at all times. So you know if you are going on vacation and need a catsitter, I am your girl! Your girlfriend got some annoying ass new furball you really just want out of the house for a few days a week so she will pet you instead of her new cat, I am your girl! You want your cat to feel loved while you are at work, I will stay home and pay him the attention he deserves - free cat daysitting! You need to de-fur your house, send your cat to me! I will love and pet and take care of your cat while it de-mouses my house. Your cat will return to you happy and full of my mice. I will pay for his food during his stay (although who are we kidding, I already have plenty, as long as he likes mouse flavor) So come on come all with your cats for free cat sitting/borrowing!! If you have any other ideas for my quest of mouse-death-apoolza-2007 please let me know as I am open to any options. Hell if you have a dog that likes mice I will even babysit your dog! or snake (non-poisonous only please) or whatever you have that eats/kills/destroys/obliterates mice. I will try an exterminator if I have to, but I feel they are better options - although time is running out, they may take over soon. I'm scared One more thing, my roommates and I have considered setting up a bb gun shooting range in our house to help the problem. So if you own a bb gun and think you can shoot a fast grey mouse that can jump 38inches feel free to come over and release some stress - if you kill three mice admission is free, otherwise the charge is one 6-pack of decent beer. Please help us before our entire house becomes the 'mouse lair'   <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: denver <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-10-03T12:55:57-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/439107038.html my house mice have a missed connection with your cat - seriously text Rants and Confessions from a Denver Escort http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/415707529.html First and Foremost: I work for the President (Ummm the light bulb inventor) Benjamin Franklin. Rants from an upscale Denver Escort who started at the bottomthe agency. P.S Anyone writing me hate notes after reading this....then it must apply to you, and if you are the wife of one of these idiots and bitter...I am sorry...we are all a little bitter. This is a rant that has built up over the course of a year, and that must now be said. I cost too much for the freaks to seek me out now. And I may run across you guys againbut you are memorableenough for me to seek therapy anyways. On with the RANTS! Issue #1: I have to voice this in the loudest possible way because I STILL get itand I quote Im only here to please you, tell me what you likethats all I want barf, barf, barf.If you gave me what I wanted it would be 5 bills and your back, on the way out the door. Why are clients SO damn concerned with making me cum? The fact that they say they are only there to please me really really annoys the shit out of me. They are there to masturbate into me, and this is VERY different, ladies and gentlemen, from making love with your significant other. So guys please who the fuck are you kidding? We are emotional creatures, and just a little more complicated then just you plugging away at us and expecting for us to cum. Gross Lets just say ENOUGH with the solemn face and serious talk after the session. You insisted I not put a raincoat on you when my mouth went down to the unknown, we wore protection (as I always do), and yet after the session you say Im OK right?.....your clean? Lets define clean as you put it. Do I take showers everyday? Yes. Do I get STD tested every 3 months? Yes. Do I always use condoms? Yes. Did I see 10 other clients that same week or even day as you? Yes. And 98% all went down on me. Now, even if I was completely honest with you, I can almost swear all those guys I saw in just this last week were not completely honest with me. Do I know this and still take the risk? Yes, and I am still an escort. I know stats, and educate myself immensly on health safety issuessounds like you dont but still see me.hmmmmthere has to be some level of responsibility that you take on when you see me.GET IT FUCK STICK? NO, you cannot fuck me without a condom. (Fact: I get this question about 1/50 people)And needless to say THAT IS FUCKING GROSS! How many other escorts have you asked this question, that actually LET YOU!!?? You know what this means to me? That you have NOTHING to loseas in for example well shit I have _________(insert v.d here) already so why the hell not? and that is fucking scary. Fact: 90% of the men I see ARE married. (and quite honestly we probably make them better husbands, there wives dont have to fuck themthey pay useveryone is happy!) And I quote again Im married..is that ok? Why would it matter fuckstick? Its preferred. It hopefully means you have a life and will leave me the fuck alone after the session. Plus, how insulting is that question. As if I escort to find meaningful relationships with trustworthy men. Note to every dumb shit out there.I am not looking for single men to date, better if you are involved. I dont care if other girls like it or actually prefer it (or that bullshit line you are feeding me), you CANNOT cum on my face, around it, in my mouth, or even near it. Put your legs up on the wall and flip them by your head, that way you can shoot it at your own face ya dip shit. To the guys who have escorts girlfriends: Quit fucking acting like you have me all figured out. Do not lump me into the category of your trashy escort girlfriend who charges $200/hr. for full service. And goes by the handle _________(insert name here) of Denver. I charge $500 minimum now, because after the year of being at the bottom I now understand my self worth. She has been in the business 10 years and you think she is a top provider..quit making me laugh. My chosen name also has a bit more thought process to it.then debbie does denver. Do not think you know the escort community. If you and her have fucked up underlying problems because you know she fucks SOO MANY guys (gotta make those dollars) to support your loser asswell dont take it out on me. Youre a fuckin idiot. Ok guys, hygiene talk. Your breath smells of dog shit, maybe you know who you aremaybe not. BUT Guys please please please brush your teeth, wear deordant. Also when we are in missionary and your fat, short, bald-headed self is sweating to death on top of me, remember, I dont like it you have no hair to refrain your sweat from falling in my god damn face. Drape a sweat towel over your shoulders, that way when your half-way done jacking off inside me you can wipe your face and save me from your disgusting sweat fluids dropping all over my face! Farting is disgusting and unacceptable on my part, butthen why do you do it? How fucking old or drunk are you that you dont even say excuse me when you break wind?? Next time one of you assholes tries to lick my ass again, Im cutting one loose. I already told you to keep your fingers and tounge out of my ass (for your own good, I have irritable bowel syndrome, no joking) but yet you persist. My IBS is so bad sometimes. I do have gas and bloat myself to hold it and, it does not help you are prying down there. SO just try not to be such an asshole. Oh yes.dry fingers HURT. Did you actually think over the last 2 minutes you gave me a wet slicky down there? Once I saw you I knew only alcohol would get me remotely turned on, and since you provided NONE of that, stop trying to shove your dry ass fingers in my gine. Its called Lube, fuck stick. I HATE HATE HATE men which big lizard size dicks. You could say I have a smaller vagina, or even a short canal. But I have been split before while you ram away and it puts me out of work for at least a week. Your blacklisted you fuck heads, I dont like to be gutted or feel like my insides are bruising while you pound away with that meaty cock of yours. I hate you. If you came in 2 minutes, I think I would be fine.BUT noooo your stupid ass must have taken viagara so you could last the ENTIRE goddamn time. Listen asshole, no one fucks the ENTIRE time. Its not normal. If they did my pussy would fucking fall off.all you big guys out there..you only get 2 minutes before I become hostile. How about if I beat your dick off lubeless with a piece of sandpaper for 60minuteshow would you like that? Fuck you guys. Wait, the all time favorite hilarious priceless quote Lets go on a REAL date sometime.. does that mean you want to hang out with me for free?......haha..ha.(choke).ha.haIm choking how hard Im laughing Anyways, moving on.. Since we talked about big dicks, lets talk about limp dicks.nothing wrong with em, they are cute little guys. However, the limp dick and I come at odds when you are still attempting to thrust inside me and the condom is falling off. Thus leaving it inside me. Just STOP, dont fucking try anymore. Its not going to happen and I dont want ANY piece of your dick skin touching me at all down there. Would you like a hand job? And that brings me to my next point, why do you have to thrust sooo deep that you go past the shaft part of the condom? I rolled that baby down as far as I could and you still want your disgusting dick skin to touch me somehow. Just STOP, your dick doesnt get longer the more you shove it in! You are just annoying me. For the guys who want to see my face picture before I meet them, knowing very well I dont show my face on the website. Fuck off. I have a fucking beautiful face and I KNOW it. Everyone loves my face, maybe too much. It is how I am successful and can pull in 5,000 a week. If I had a butt ass ugly face like you do, do you think I would still be charging $500 for the fuckin hour? I KNOW my face and general appearance is fuckin fantastic and I use it to my advantage. Sure you can make out with my foot for an hour. No I will not wrap a rubber band around your penis head several times to help you not cum. You want me to dig my nails into your balls?? Ummm is that a freshly pierced lip ring you have there young guy? Why are you trying to go down on me then with that freshly pierced lip ring? Fucking grossI dont want your open sore in my vagina. Dumb shits. Dont fucking squeeze my sides so hard you leave fingertip bruises! My boyfriend will see those! I keep everything that is handed to me.dont fuckin ask me for change dip shit. Green makes me smile and love you more : ) Hold your belly up when we are in doggy style it makes a fart-slapping noise if you dont. I was kind enough to pull your belly back to find your dick just 5 minutes ago when I was on top. I honestly laugh when you ask me why my skin is so soft. Let me tell you my routine. I am a bit obsessive compulsive when I comes to flesh to flesh skin cells rubbing off on me. I SCRUB myself every night with sugar and anything else I can find that is abrasive enough to make my skin raw. This is to get your distgusting skin cells and germs off me. Every time you touch me I think I will be expecially scrubbing that area extra hard tonightyour soft touches make my skin crawl ya dirty old fucks. Why is it I expect the worst when a client walks in or I show up? Ok so you have a gimpy arm that is shorter then the other arm with knubs for fingers and a bit deformed. Even your elfish body and rounded chest sets you apart from other guys. You need love too. Since no one but me will fuck ya, I go at it bravely. But why WHY WHY do you have to be so creepy with that arm? I tried to ignore it, and you then proceed to touch me with it and call them your special fingers and then shove your knubly deformed half fingered hand into my vagina trying to pleasure me. Not only does that creep me out, but it really makes me wonder what karma I have put out for you to show up at my door. Why must I be punished? Therapy.I need it Stop drooling in my mouth and learn how to kiss.why is your tounge so fat? I cant believe I just let him go down on me with those rotten ass teethI guess it was better then him trying to make out with me..Gentlemen red onions are offensiveexpecially on your breath!...I cant stop staring at the bats in your cave No I will NOT dominate you, you are looking in the WRONG god damn section of EROS. You want BDSM not female escorts. I DONT get off sticking things in your ass and making you cross-dress. You couldnt pay me enough.well maybe, but youre a bunch of cheap bastards also, so fuck off. I want triple what I charge hourly. Repeat, we are NOT dating. I am not your girlfriend. Stop thinking you are cool enough for me to be here if there was no money involved. I wouldnt even fart your way unless you paid me. Much less show up and just hang-out. Dont fucking tell me you love me, 3 clients this week already beat you to it. Pussy Eating.for the so-called experts Rule #1 Dont spead my lips apart with your hands so far that they tear the inner soft skin on the vagina.how about I pull your pee hole in two different directionshmmm?? It would rip the sideswouldnt it ?fuck stick?? Rule #2 Dont suck my clit and labia up into your mouth and catch it on your teeth..lets say I rake my teeth over your cock? Wouldnt that feel great?? Rule #3 Keep your tounge on the top or the bottom. The middle of my vagina is my pee holeI dont know about you but tounging my pee hole is NOT a turn on.it burns. Rule #4 Lick on TOP of the hood not under. There are 4,000 neves on my clit and it feels WAYYYY to sensitive. Kinda like your cock, JUST after you cum. With that said 80% of guys really really give bad head. That is just my personal observation. If you ask to extend in the middle of a session, because you are just IN LOVE with meas most usually arethen make sure you have enough to cover the time used buddy! You cant refund my time asshole, and just because I didnt want to get up and talk about business when you asked to extend in my compromising positiondont take advantage of it and bring less then you think you will spend! Dumb shits On a happy end noteI DO have to give some credit to the normal guys. The married ones who are stuck in a marriage and are very attractive and could literally get any younger female they wanted, but stay for the kids. Also the non- freaks, losers, ass-face, deformed, hanicapped, overly obese etc..guys. who have a charming way about them, but decided not to pursue relationships they are not ready to commit to. I salute and respect you. Because you and I both know you can get an attractive girl, who is unsuspecting and sweet and thinks the best of people, to go home with you after you feed her lies just to get into her pants, and then act as if you care for awhile until the sex gets old then throw her out on her relationship wanting ass. Get smart ladies! Stop sleeping around and not using condoms half the time. Fact: My non escort girlfriends hardly ever use condomsI yell at them. They are so slack.and I use to be. BUT I have learned, Men go after what you want. I understand my relationship to you is a client, provider on and there are no gray lines. That is what you are there for, and so am I. You, fantasy porn-star sexme-benjamin franklinsand it works out. SO STOP ASKING ME MY REAL GOD DAMN NAME!!!!! Its none of your fucking businessthis is a fantasy I fulfill for youstop making it so god damn personal. Im NOT your fucking girlfriend/wife for christ sake (or want to be).Im just a sweet face..  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: hotel room <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-09-06T15:21:55-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/415707529.html Rants and Confessions from a Denver Escort text STOP LIGHT ETIQUETTE http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/405019598.html I am a taxi driver and conduct myself in a professional manner at all times but I certainly understand road rage. I expect the worst from Colorado drivers and I am rarely disappointed. I have been reading about road rage on Craigs List and I do have a few pointed observations. If people are honking, flashing their lights and shaking their fists at you perhaps you should reevaluate some of your driving habits. Here are a few pointers. When sitting at a red light please dont redo your makeup, read a newspaper, change your clothes, masturbate, give head to your passenger, allow your passenger to give YOU head or begin distracting activities that may cause you to be otherwise occupied when the light turns green. When the light actually turns green there shouldnt be a deliberative process necessary before you STEP ON THE GAS. The roads are overcrowded as it is and all it takes is a couple of retards sitting and staring at a green light for 15 or 20 seconds to start a chain reaction behind them that leads to what we call VOLUME SLOWING. If you are in the left lane and you want to drive at a leisurely pace, I understand. GET IN THE RIGHT LANE. This is the lane for slower traffic. If you are driving in the left lane and you are dead even with the guy in the right lane, YOU ARE FUCKING UP. There are people behind you with appointments to keep, jobs to go to or who may have an urgent need to use the bathroom. Please move to the right and let them get about their business. I dont know how many times Ive had to sit and listen to my fare grind his or her teeth because there are three flaming A-holes side by side leisurely driving down the road 15 or 20 miles below the speed limit. MERGE RIGHT ASS HAT! My meter is running and you are COSTING MY PASSENGER MONEY. Some of the people passing you may exceed the speed limit in doing so. This is perfectly legal but even if it wasnt please remember, YOU ARE NOT A LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER. We have paid professionals who are perfectly capable of enforcing the law and YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THEM. By intentionally slowing traffic you ARE BREAKING THE LAW and may be ticketed for this violation. If you are in the right lane and someone in the left lane is signaling to get over LET UP ON THE GAS. I dont know how many times I have put on my signal for thirty or forty seconds and tried to merge right only to experience a blaring horn and upraised finger from some retard who has been pacing me in my blind spot for the last mile or two. Just for the record, this is why so many people fail to signal turns and cut you off. They know that as soon as you see the turn signal you will probably sit your passive aggressive ass directly in the way and stay there for as long as possible. About being cut off. The only people who are cut off are those who REFUSE TO YIELD. You do not own the road and must share it with about a million other drivers. Get good with this fact or move out to Busted Dick Colorado where your driving wont raise eyebrows and tempers. There are other distractions that interfere with the flow of traffic that you should learn to deal with in a mature and proactive fashion like accidents. Accidents happen but unless you are a medical professional who is slowing down in order to stop and render aid KEEP MOVING. Im not advocating blasting through police diversions at 60 miles an hour but there is no need to slow down to a crawl when passing an accident, RUBBERNECKS CAUSE ADDITIONAL ACCIDENTS so if you and your voyeur family dont want to become a part of the roadside tragedy you are gaping at, GET A MOVE ON. The same goes for other roadside diversions including break downs, pretty girls getting ticketed, accidents on THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET, emergency vehicles going in the opposite direction on a divided road and related events, If you are driving in the mountains and you see that there are 20 or 30 people piled up behind you, PULL OFF TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND LET THEM PASS. Sooner or later its going to snow. For those of you with no winter driving experience snow is the white stuff that falls from the sky. IT IS FROZEN WATER and is often quite slippery. THIS IS THE TIME TO SLOW DOWN. GET IN THE RIGHT LANE and let the people who want to drive fast do so, For those of you who own vehicles with 4-wheel drive, great! 4-wheel drive will give you great traction in the snow BUT IT WILL NOT HELP YOU STOPPING! I dont know how many times I have been passed in a blizzard by shiny 4-wheel drive vehicles going 30 or 40 miles an hour over the safe limit for driving only to see them piled into a bridge abutment a mile or so up the road. Clearly if youve just polished off a 12 pack you should be riding with me. We all have cell phones nowadays. If you have one, get a headset, you need both hands to drive. If youre having an argument with your sweetie, PULL OVER and finish it in a parking lot instead of the middle of an intersection. In conclusion. I dont care what kind of self-absorbed butt nugget you are in the rest of your life please remember that you are piloting a couple of tons of metal glass and plastic around the road. Try to rise above your vile self just long enough to get from A to B without pissing every other driver on earth off and well all be a lot happier and some of us may live a little longer. Thank you in advance for your fine cooperation.  <img src=405019598.1.jpg> <img src=405019598.2.jpg> <img src=405019598.3.jpg> <img src=405019598.4.jpg>  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: Sitting behind YOU <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-08-24T12:01:36-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/405019598.html STOP LIGHT ETIQUETTE text MC Hammer Pants http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/358045993.html Guess what, I was cleaning out my closet and I found 47 pairs of BRIGHT NEON MC Hammer pants. I was going to burn them and dance around the flames to try to make it rain or something, but I thought that maybe somebody would want these. They are absolutely the worst pants of all time. I can't remember being stupid enough to buy these, but I must have been. Either that or MC Hammer owes me a bunch of rent money. I have them all in a huge garbage sack sitting on the sidewalk. If you want them you must just come pick up the bag and drive away. If anybody comes up and tears the bag and spills those hideous things into the street where my neighbors can see, I will be very unhappy. Garbage collection is on Monday so if they aren't gone Mr. BFI gets them. If you want this garbage, email me and I will give you instructions.   <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: Lone Tree <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-06-22T14:58:39-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/358045993.html MC Hammer Pants text I Puked at the MegaChurch http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/344894297.html yesterdya I was out for a bike ride and I'm cruising and digging the grass and trees and farms and cows and horses and sayin hi to other people riding bikes and being cool with cars and liking the deep rumble of motorcycles as they blow by me. I ride into this small town that will remain nameless to protect the small townies. I stop at this place to buy some stuff and they are like BRATS OUT BACK! so I'm like BRATS? And they are like FREE! so I'm out back yacking about the cows and farms with other lycra people stuffing pork meat encased in pork intestine into our holes. With mustard. Score! So I cram one down and think, why not and I crunch another tangy hot juicy pork thing down my hole. Then, I'm off! Full of pork. Ready for more cows and horse manure smells. I even have me a tail wind as I leave this town and hit these hills. Short hills, that step up steeply. Like steps. One after another. I'm high on free meat so I punch it and get a good groove until about 3/4 of the way up when I feel not-so-good. I slow down and finish the last pitch to the top breathing hard and feeling funky. I pull off the road into this parking lot which turns out to be the lot for a megachurch. And its sunday and they've been harvesting souls and the harvesting is over and the harvested souls are all meandering out to their jesus mobiles. And I puke two free greasy pork meat brats with mustard onto their lot. Hoark! Plop! Drool runs from my lips to the sun warmed ashpalt as I let go with a dry heave. Damn! I suddenly feel fine after bulimatizing that load of pig chunks. I look up at the jesus people who are looking at me and I yell, OUT SATAN! OUT!. Then I scoot outta that megachurch lot. so there.  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: bikist <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-06-04T16:12:02-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/344894297.html I Puked at the MegaChurch text You Dropped Your Bible and I Saw Your Thong - m4w http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/331893376.html I was walking down the sidewalk and you, a very good looking woman from the backside, dropped what appeared to be the Holy Bible, bent to pick it up, and through no fault of my own, I saw your thong...and wow. I know Jesus spent some time with Mary Magdalene, and likely she wore next to nothing under those sackcloths, but I have to admit, your short skirt and fluorescent pink thong were way sexier, and made me want to get to "know" you, in the Biblical sense, of course. I'm not Christian, but if we can stick to the basic 10 Commandments and leave the Pope out of it, I think we'll be ok. Oh, by the way, I was the very tall, tan, curly-haired, non-Christian gentleman walking behind you.  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: Church <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-05-16T01:43:13-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/331893376.html You Dropped Your Bible and I Saw Your Thong - m4w text Empty tic-tac boxes - 369 and counting... http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/306580551.html Once again I've got a big bag of empties. There are both small and large sizes. I have about 369 boxes right now, and more coming (I quit smoking and go through two boxes each day). Small size: 2 3/8 inches high by 1 3/8 inches wide by 1/2 inch thick Large size: 2 7/8 inches high by 1 3/4 inches wide by 5/8 inch thick (NOTE: dimensions are approximate) For those who don't know: these are the small plastic boxes in which Tic-Tac breath mints are sold. They're all empty. I measured the boxes and posted the sizes because last time someone thought they might be useful as moving boxes. If you need to move a flea circus or other tiny item(s), these would do just fine. The cap is intact on every one.  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: Northglenn <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-04-05T10:40:31-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/306580551.html Empty tic-tac boxes - 369 and counting... text Rave.. The kindness of others http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/306153825.html Lately this board seems so full of anger and hate, so I thought I would share an "Act of randon kindness" that happened to me last Thanksgiving. After becomming a recent single mom, that had no family with in 2,000 miles I found myself and my children with no where to spend last Thanksgiving. So I decided to make the best of it. My kids and I (they were 6 & 9) volunteered at the Salvation Army soup kitchen, handing out meals to the homeless (helped me be grateful that I have what I do) Then I splurged and the three of us went out to a very nice dinner downtown (I was behind on bills, and did not have the money for extra expenses)My kids and I sat down and enjoyed a wonderful meal..they were impressed how nice it was (not our usual McDonalds). We had decided to eat dessert at home, but when the waiter came over he told me that another family in the dining room wanted to treat us to dessert, the kids were so excited and I was greatful. When we were done (and stuffed) I asked our waiter for the bill (I was guessing it to be around $125.) he came by handed my the bill holder and told me to read the card inside, and that our bill was taken care of. It had a business card that said "Please except this random act of kindness in memory of our son ____________" I looked at the waiter, who was tearing up..and I started to cry. He was asked not to tell who had paid for our meal and the room was full of seemingly unaware people. I got myself together and the kids and I left. I think of that moment often! I was very alone and depressed that day, and knowing that someone was wanting to help ment the world to me. I thought it was a wonderful thing to do to remember a loved one by during the holidays...and it is something that truly touched my heart. If you are a part of that family, I thank you, and your sons name will forever be engraved in my mind.  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: Denver <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-04-04T15:18:45-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/306153825.html Rave.. The kindness of others text Dear Roommates: Please Come Back http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/302346400.html I know, I know.. when you asked about getting a dog I said if you both were gone in the same week I'd take care of your dog. And then you got a second dog...and had you asked I would have said that was fine too. I thought I could handle it, and ..ready? I was wrong. I was way wrong. At first it was fun...at first meaning the the first day. And then I thought I'd get smart. First I thought, "I bet I don't need to keep the dog in my room, she can sleep where she wants." Wrong. I woke up to the sound of her tearing through the garbage. She ran off as soon as I entered and I started picking up the garbage--a second later I smelled something that was clearly not garbage. As I discovered the next morning, she at the stick of butter. How the hell she got onto the counter I will never know, but she did. In case you (or anyone for that matter) ever wonders, butter is evidently a laxative for a dog. So there was--all over the carpet. And when I mean all over the carpet I mean I've can't believe that much feces was excreted from one mammal--do horses shit that much? I dont think so. So for the next 40 MINUTES I use the entire role of paper towels and a hell of a lot of dish soap cleaning up her mess. The next thing I remember was waking up to her whimpering. I didn't think a dog could whimper that loud--I was wrong. I let her back inside and went back to sleep. Woke up the next morning and bought more paper towels and pet stain remover..another 30 minutes. That's all I thought...1 (large) incident... I can forgive, forget and move past one incident. Oh I was wrong again. I was wrong because I thought I had yet another good idea. I should take them to the dog park--like you suggested. But before I do that I should make sure they will "come" to me on command...so I took them out by the trail/fields, brought some hotdogs and let them off the leash. I said come, they ran. And ran. 20 minutes later they came back in sight. One of them came back to me...good boy. The other kept running..bad girl. Another 20 minutes. But I did catch her and I didn't have to give you the "I lost your dog" speech I was preparing--I was thankful for that. 48 hours after the butter incident your dog had still not shit--figuring the pipes were clean I did not sweat it. Wrong again. At least this time it was solid. However, her multiple puking incidents were not solid. Apparently the other dog caught on..because in the past day he's peed not once but twice on the carpet. The living room carpet is turning into a litter box and I apparently have no control over this. The bottle of pet stain remover I bought is almost gone. I'm no longer fooling anyone-the dogs run this place.. I just clean up their shit. I feel this is enough. Like the story should end here but it doesn't. This morning--as in 7:45am she broke free from her leash. I hadn't even eaten yet and I chased the bitch for 80 minutes. I'm not really a morning person, and I'm damn well not a "chase a dog around for 80 minutes while I"m hungry, dehydrated and tired kind of person." I briefly considered killing it when I found it..I'm not even joking. But relief set in when I did finally catch her. How the hell does a dog run for that long anyway? I didnt think that was possible. Well... I didn't think a dog could run for 80 minutes straight--I was wrong. I didn't think a dog could shit half its weight--I was wrong. I didn't think a dog could whimper that loud--I was wrong. I thought they would listen and come to me--I was wrong. I didn't think the dogs would turn the living room into a litter box--I was wrong. I thought I could handle this--I was wrong. Please come back.  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-03-28T23:06:24-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/302346400.html Dear Roommates: Please Come Back text Couch - Very Uncomfortable, Red - $3.75 http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/287000204.html Hello. Here is my couch. I hate this couch and it needs to get out of my house. It is the worst couch I have ever seen. I sat on it and now I'm in a back brace. I let my dog have the couch, but then he died on it, so I don't really need it anymore. I miss my dog and I hate this couch. I'm asking $3.75 for the couch because thats how much Buck's favorite chew toy cost me each month. However, I'll consider other offers. I would just throw this couch into the river, but I hurt my back sitting on the couch. A little more about the couch: I bought it 3 months ago. I paid $900 It came from this swanky furniture place I hate the couch It is uncomfortable and will probably put you in a back brace <img src=287000204.jpg>   <ul class="blurbs"> <li> This item has been posted by-owner. <li> Location: Denver <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-03-01T23:01:01-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/287000204.html Couch - Very Uncomfortable, Red - $3.75 text RE: Shannon Damn you http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/261634452.html This is how it goes... Whether by reading about Craigslist in a news story, or a friend mentioning it to you or some other way, you discover Craigslist. It seems OK, strangely retro looking, the web circa 1995 at best. But it looks like it might be quite good. Perhaps you are looking to buy something and you check out some of the ads. You may even be stupid enough to try and sell something through CL. Likely you will spot the personals section. Whether you're single or not, who can resist the allure of browsing through that sort of thing? Some of them even have pictures. You notice Casual Encounters...OMG...that would be great. You mean I could just post that I want a bimbo dwarf with an oral and spanking fixation et voila...my inbox is flooded with loose-moralled candidates prepared to go at it in parking garages and Target restrooms from all over Colorado? But then your true downfall. You notice the Rants and Raves section. You start reading. Holy shit. What is wrong with these people? They are certifiably insane. But you can't stop reading. Sometimes you come across a complete anomaly -- a coherent post, proper spelling and grammar, a sane moderate output, a well argued point. Encouraged you hunt for more, exposing yourself to greater and greater quantities of the depraved and insane postings that form the bulk of this section. Your tolerance for it increases, and you charge forth faster and faster. You dream of rakes, Subarus, men who shave their balls, asses, girls who wax their cunts. People who love Jesus. People who hate Jesus. People who love Mexicans, hate Mexicans, even ARE Mexicans. This is no longer casual browsing to pass the time...you're addicted. And before you know it the REAL trouble starts. You come across a post so inane, so ridiculous and yet seemingly lucid that asserts some claim that makes your blood boil. How the fuck could they think that? you ask yourself. I'll show those fuckers. I'm funny, articulate...I know what I'll do. I'll POST! Then starts obsessive refresh syndrome. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh on your browser. Has my post shown up yet? Has anyone answered? Didn't they all agree with me and think my wit was biting and incisive? Did the OP retort with some half-baked nonsense I need to refute? OMG they did. I'll post again. Teach that fucker. And you do. And you even find out that F5 is the keyboard shortcut for refreshing the browser. No longer do your hands need to leave the keyboard. You can just hit F5, F5, F5 until it shows up. And then the replies. And you can't stop. Can't let the bastards win. Must. Post. More... And then, if you're not careful, you end up with a moniker.  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: RnR Addicts Anonymous <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-01-12T13:00:44-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/261634452.html RE: Shannon Damn you text The Time I Lost Control of My Bowels on the Water Slide http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/235728006.html My last few months have been racked with guilt and shame over a horrible incident and the need to purge myself has become overwhelming. So I turn to you for a compassionate ear. Last summer, I took my girlfriend, I'll call her Beulah, and her son, I'll call him Eugene, to a water amusement park, attempting to nurture the bond that was forming between us. After a busy morning of paddleboats and bumper cars, we took a moment to refresh ourselves with a hardy lunch of chili dogs, cheese fries, and lemonade. Relaxing under shade trees, Eugene smiled a chili-smeared grin, as the sun cast its languid glow over the park. With the leisurely picnic ending, we hastily dispersed to the changing rooms, in anticipation of our next adventurethe giant water slide. During our first run, I noticed a gnawing, internal discomfort, although the first sure signs of brown-capping werent apparent until Eugene and I climbed the half-mile of stairs to the summit, for our second run. Unfortunately, I had taken the opportunity, to wear a most-revealing, blue Speedo, in the hope of further enamoring myself to the beautiful Beulah. Lord knows, I have the body to accommodate such a blatant, public display of manhood. However, I soon began to regret my decision, for the sharp, cut of the elastic dug into my swelling, gaseous abdomen. My intestines were bubbling like a whirlpool. By the time we reached the loading platform at the summit, I was squirming in wretched misery. Considering my options, I surmised that taking the slide was far more promising than fighting my way back down the stairs, through the crowd. Thank God I was next in line. My trouble would soon be over. The only obstacle before me was an elderly German tourist, staring pensively at the wild rapids. With obvious reservation, he shuffled slowly toward the mouth of the blue tunnel. Beyond the point of pleasantries, I bellowed, Come on, Pops! Shake a leg! Turning toward the acne-pocked boy who was managing the ride that day, he made a feeble attempt in his native tongue to communicate his apprehension. I had no other choice! The brown star pulsatednearing supernova. The manager boy recoiled in shock as I pushed the old man down the slide, headfirst. Cursing me with hostile foreign jibberish, he disappeared around the first turn. In an instant, I followed, hurling myself down the slick, plastic vortex. The fury of the slide was incredible. Rolling and spinning, I gathered speed quickly. The angle of the chute dipped to nearly seventy degrees, increasing my velocity as I careened from side to side, the water turning to white, angry foam. Ricocheting from a high, banking wall, the impact smashed me like some fecal-laden pinata. I lost control, discharging a foul, liquid trail. A child screamed somewhere behind me, as I slid toward certain humiliation below. Frantically, I grabbed at the back of my Speedo, in a desperate attempt to flush myself clean. To my dismay, a fetid school of dung-guppies spilled into the churning maelstrom. Nearing the final turn, the old man was standing upright in the tunnel in front of me, Im sure, to exact some sort of revenge. His sinewy muscles were tensed, rage filled his dilated eyes. But with youth, and gravity, on my side, I swiftly took him out at the ankles. A palsied hand grabbed me as we tumbled out of the chute, and into the pool. Moments later, a wailing boy fell behind us, riding the crest of a polluted wave. Thinking fast, I collared the old man, and dragged him onto the concrete deck. A lifeguard confronted us as people ran screaming from the pool in pale-faced terror. I explained to the guard how the old man had soiled the waters, how obviously the speed and excitement had proven too much for a man of his age and condition. Unable to comprehend my story, or explain himself, the old man could only respond with a flurry of incomprehensible shrieks, vective, and obscene gestures. I suggested that he was hysterical from embarassment and that in the best interests of everyone that he be removed from the parkimmediately. The guard eyed me with suspicion, but had no alternative but to believe my story. Fortunately, the force of the waters had washed me thoroughly of any incriminating evidence. I gathered Beulah and Eugene, and made a dash for the parking lot. Im sure the truth eventually surfaced, but not until we were safely on the interstate, heading back home.   <ul style="margin-left:0px; padding-left:3px; list-style:none; font-size: smaller"> <li> Location: Denver <li> It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests </ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2006-11-16T10:56:37-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/235728006.html The Time I Lost Control of My Bowels on the Water Slide text Do any of you poop or pee in front of your boy/girl friend? http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/235725511.html I do not subscribe to the open-door policy, as it pertains to the subject of happy couples being privy to each others revolting goings-on in the bathroom. Some couples believe that being perched on the porcelain convenience, carving hideous intestinal sculpture, while the other one watches, is a symbol of some sort of higher level of comfort, candidness, or sincerity. Its as if, in observing their significant other in such a manner, his or her feet propped up on two phone books for maximum expulsion velocity, one would be offering up some sort of proof of their undying, perpetual, and eternal love for one another. Not I. I have installed big burglar bars on my bathroom door because I enjoy a little private moment when I feel the urge to purge. I believe that there should be some aspects that, no matter how long youve loved someone, should remain undisclosed and confidential. There should always be some facets of your life that remain a mystery. For, Id rather not see the look of grim determination on my lovers face, as she sets her teeth into a painful grimace, and begins to launch. Id rather she, not hear the onslaught of my barrage, as my lower intestine shudders one free. If I were married, wed share each morning togetherwed share breakfastour dinnerswed take off on vacationswed take long walks. Occasionally, shed watch me select a tie from the rack in my closet. But thats it. I dont want her to hear the creaking of my bomb-bay doors, as fetid cargo makes its way past repugnant pimples, only to land with a greasy SLAP on the bottom of the low-water-usage bowl. I dont want her hearing me muttering profanities under my breath, as I hit the flush lever, time and time again, for the disobedient dry-docked log that refuses to curl around the u-bend at the rear of the commode. Id rather not hear her as she, likewise, lets fly a bowel salvo of stuffed squid from the glorious buffet she partaked in, the day before. I would recommend that all couples, proceeding through their life together, be it temporary or til death do them part, savor this one, tiny morsel of personal intimacy that remains. Yesshare each others most personal secretsexperience each other as youve never experienced anyone who has come beforelove each other unconditionally and accept each other at your absolute worstbut shed not, that last, residual fragment of your dignity. In fact, in my mindbecause I refuse to witness the procedureI can only assume that it never happens! I REJECT the image of it so utterly and completely, that I can only suppose that instead of even needing to use the toilet, my girlfriends have somehow perfected some process of osmosis, whereby their body heat merely causes a dissipation of its wastes into the atmosphere, in the form of easily-recyclable, odorless, gaseous deposits. So I can only conclude that my girlfriends do not go to the bathroom. There are some things that I just dont want to picture, and therefore, I refuse to.   <ul style="margin-left:0px; padding-left:3px; list-style:none; font-size: smaller"> <li> Location: Denver <li> It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests </ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2006-11-16T10:52:29-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/235725511.html Do any of you poop or pee in front of your boy/girl friend? text I'll pray for Revrend Ted. http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/229714193.html I'm a Christian. I don't thump on a Bible, or prop myself up in public proclaiming to be more rightous than others. My Bible says you shouldn't do that. I don't belong to a church more opulant than a palace in a city where thousands sleep on the street. My Bible says to help the poor, not riticule them or judge them for their "weekness". My Bible says something about how difficlut it is for a rich man to get to heaven. I don't believe a church that seems more concerned with fund raising than helping others is really doing God's work. I don't believe in juding others. I don't believe it's ok to drive by a begger and calm my concious by saying "they're just a drug addict." I believe a Christian cares for a drug addict. I believe a Christian socieity should have a way to reach out to a drug addict. If they turn away our help, I beleve we should reach out again. And again. The Jesus I follow spent a fair ammount of time in the company of a prostitute. He didn't judge her. The Jesus I follow said a lot about the old laws being wiped away and being replaced by one simple law- love each other as I have loved you. I am a Christian and find it ironic that its difficult to find a Christian church that represents my values. The Jesus I follow would be more concerned with figuring out how the richest country on earth could help it's southern neighbor- where people are living like animals- than how much tax money is being spent on "illegals". I don't think my Jesus would call anyone "illegal". My Jesus spent much of his life in the company of those socieity found unfit. I believe my Jesus would have loved gays as much as hetrosexuals. I don't think my Jesus would lobby for a constitutional amendment that legalizes descrimination against them. I'm a Christian, but never say so in public. I'm an American, but am embarased to fly my flag. I wish the symbols of my faith and country represented what I believe. Once they did. I used to wear a cross around my neck. I used to have a flag on my house. Now people who represent values that I find very non-christ like have taken ownership of what theses symbols represent. I hope there are others who believe what I believe. I hope there are others who feel like I do. I hope that one day we can do Christian work that matters- helping the poor, healing the sick, protecting the earth- and stop fighting about things that are simply devisive ploys politicians use to get our votes. I don't like abortion. I don't like war even more. I don't like turning a blind eye to the poor even more than that. If you agree with me, join me. It's easy. You don't have to sign anything or agree to a docterine. You just have to do what you know is right.   <ul style="margin-left:0px; padding-left:3px; list-style:none; font-size: smaller"> <li> no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests </ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2006-11-03T12:26:39-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/229714193.html I'll pray for Revrend Ted. text Rant: To the asshole kid at King Sooper's self-checkout Sunday http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/185664891.html This is the "cranky lady" (your words) speaking. Here's how it works, since you're obviously too young/stupid/inconsiderate to figure it out. You get your shopping done and then you go stand in line for the checkout. If you forget something, you get OUT of line and go get it; most people will be nice enough to let you back in line when you come back. What you DON'T do is wait until you are at the self-checkout machine, drop your stuff, and then go grab something you forgot while you make everyone stand there and wait for your self-indulgent spoiled ass. Our time is AT LEAST as valuable as yours, especially since every one of us waiting is obviously more courteous than you. If you get to the machine and remember something and there are six people waiting for six machines, go ahead and checkout and pay, THEN go get what you forgot and get back in line. And don't come back and tell the guy who's gone ahead and started checking out on "your" machine that he has to go back and wait in line. You walked away and left your shit sitting there - how was he supposed to know you didn't just change your mind about buying it and leave? Judging from your looks, "gangsta" clothes, your ugly calf-tat, and your haircut, you are about 18-20 years old. Judging from how you spoke to me when I pointed out where the end of the line was, you have no m